Pet Peeves

You know what I hate? Like, really hate? I hate it when people start a conversation by saying "Funny story ..." and then filling in said story with a string of words that no rational person would describe as funny. Or amusing. Unless it were turned into a National Lampoon's movie starring Chevy Chase.

"Funny story - I was running for the bus this morning when I fell into a sinkhole and ended up traveling through the city sewer system and have now been exposed to eight hundred strains of incredibly infectious bacteria!"

"Funny story - my great uncle once removed was in a plane that crashed and he had to survive on wild mushrooms which made him trip out so badly he thought diving off a cliff would save his life but instead it killed him. LOL!"

"Funny story - when I was walking home from work today, I was mugged and stabbed three times in the abdomen!"

You get the idea.

So.

Funny story - Nick was out snowboarding this past weekend and took a bad jump, fell really hard on his butt, and ended up fracturing his pelvis in two places!!!!!

I know, HILARIOUS, right?!?!

You know what's even funnier? I sort of thought/hoped Nick was maybe just being a bit of a baby when I first talked to him after the accident ... and when I first saw him after the accident ... and when he passed out from the pain in the elevator on the way up to the apartment ... and when we had to get him back down to the car to go to the ER (on the advice of the on-call flight medicine doc Nick spoke to on the phone) ... and when he hobbled his way from the car into Emergency [Nick's note: Wow, isn't love grand!?].... pretty much right up until the point where, about 10 minutes after having X-rays taken, the doc briskly pulled open the curtain and instructed Nick to lie back immediately because HE FRACTURED HIS PELVIS. Sweet Jesus. Can they just make a movie about how FRICKIN FUNNY our lives are, already?

'Cause pain is HEEEEElarious. Well, okay, sometimes pain actually IS funny. BUT NOT RIGHT HERE. THIS PAIN IS NOT FUNNY. Or at least it won't be for another 6-8 weeks. [Nick's note: I'm thinking more like 4-6 ... keep the milk & calcium supplements stocked!]

Which is, incidentally, the predicted amount of time it will take for Nick to heal. We met with the orthopedist today, who mostly assuaged our fears about Nick's range of movement (he's not restricted from any sort of movement), the severity of the fracture (it's a complete fracture, but stable, with a secondary hairline fracture in a separate part of the pelvis, as well as a relatively minor broken coccyx [Nick's warning: Any and all weak-ass jokes will be dealt with swiftly and severely!!]), the state of his hamstring muscles (intact and working fine), and the timeline for healing (~2 weeks on crutches, ~1-1 1/2 weeks til he can drive, ~3 weeks til he can start physical therapy, if necessary). He also encouraged Nick to bear weight and use the crutches mostly for stabilization, and warned us about the eventual bruising as the blood at the injury site migrates back through to the surface tissues. Suh-weeeeeet. Who doesn't want a prune-colored ass?! [Nick's note: Hey... I don't have to look at it.]

For now, we have him laid up on the chaise lounge at an appropriate degree of recline, equipped with his lap desk, a Christmas gift from me, the psychic one who clearly must have known this was going to happen. Why else would I have gotten him a LAP desk?! Hmmmmm? HMMMMM?! Wait ... then I must have known he would attempt a ridiculous jump and would land square on his ass and break it. Which makes me a jerk for not saying anything. No, no, I'm not liking this scenario. Let's just call it LUCK. Yeah, that's it.

Better yet - Funny story.